We do a lot of art history, and I feel like I make it fun, but I’m always looking for new things to do. So I figured today that we should discount artistic endeavors and artistic merit to just focus on the attractiveness of our artists. My seniors know (almost) all these artists, and we talked some about their art, but today we’re mostly just being vapid. And that attitude brings us to part one our two-part series: Hotties of Art History.
I used mostly my own art history knowledge, and some pictures I had saved, but I also hit up the always fantastic Hotties of Art History Tumblr in order to find the last few resources I needed.
(Disclaimer: I always used the best picture I could find. Amadeo Modigliani looks significantly worse after 15 years of copious alcohol intake, so we use the before picture. 1920 Marcel Duchamp looks a lot better than 1965 Marcel Duchamp, so we go with the former.)
We ranked these as a class, which started up a lot of debate and discussion (higher order thinking skills, right?), leading us to the Top 10 Male Hotties of Art History:
10. Gustave Courbet
Downgraded For: That disgusting teenage neck beard.
9. Willem de Kooning
Downgraded For: Being a misogynist and making terrible paintings.
8. Egon Schiele
Bonus Points For: Looking like a vampire.
Downgraded For: Looking like a vampire.
7. Yves Klein
Bonus Points For: Well-dressed and manly, but still looks like an artist. Jumps out of windows to prove he can fly.
Downgraded For: When you look closely, he’s maybe actually not that attractive.
6. Jean Michel Basquiat
Bonus Points For: General attractiveness and a nice suit.
Downgraded For: The hair. Keep the dreads, because they’re fine; please, please, PLEASE do not put them in pigtails.
5. Chris Burden
Bonus Points For: Living Dangerously.
Downgraded For: Maybe living TOO dangerously. Most of his best artworks could cause him to die.
4. Robert Mapplethorpe
Bonus Points For: The Dreamy Heartthrob Look.
Downgraded For: That Outfit.
3. Marcel Duchamp
Downgraded For: Somewhat resembling a salamander.
2. Amadeo Modigliani
Downgraded For: Being a raging alcoholic who died at age 34.
1. Ed Ruscha
Bonus Points For: Being tall, dark, and handsome; looks just a little bit dangerous.
Downgraded For: Nothing. I mean, look at him.