Since I know you’ve been wondering to yourself: “Man, what if that ‘Thrift Shop’ song by Macklemore was actually about ceramics? How cool would that be?” Well, wonder no more.

I wish I had the time to record this version, and make a video, but for now, we’ll have to settle for just the lyrics. I have the song here (the clean version), and I’ll suggest you give a listen and replace with our ceramics lyrics below.

And yes, this is what I did with my plan time today.

I’m gonna throw some pots

Only got twenty pounds of buff stoneware

I – I – I’m throwing, making some ceramics

This is ****** awesome

Walk up to the art room like, “What up, I got a big pot!”

I’m so pumped about well-fitted lids on top

Glaze on the pot, it’s so damn frosty

That people like, “Damn! That’s some cold-*** pottery!”

Centering, opening, headin’ to the wheel that’s clean

Dressed in a smock, but my throwing shoes ain’t ever clean

Draped in denim aprons, girls standin’ next to me

Probably shoulda washed these, they ain’t been clean in weeks!

But man, I still gotta go throw!

Trimmin’ it, glazin’ it , ‘bout to go and get some compliments

Openin’ up the kiln my collection has been fired in

But me and my pots firing it man

I am dipping and painting and

Pouring on my piece and I’m hella happy that’s a low-fire glaze

I’ma take your recipe, I’ma take your recipe

No for real-check your glaze record—can I make a photocopy?

Soft porcelain and some new calipers

Ugly brown and green glazes I found diggin’

They had some crystalline glaze, I bought some crystalline glaze

I bought a kiln setter, now I can go three-phase

Hello, hello, my glaze man, my Mello

George Ohr’s moustache got nothing on my clay game, hell no

I could throw some nice mugs, attach handles, sell those

The gallery peeps would be like “Aw, those are hand-pulled!”

[Hook x2]

I’m gonna throw some pots

Only got twenty pounds of buff stoneware

I – I – I’m throwing, making some ceramics

This is ****** awesome

What you know about raku and kiln firing?

What you knowin’ about glazin’ and oxidation?

I’m throwing, I’m throwing, I’m trimming and putting a foot on

One man’s dirt, that’s another man’s artwork

Thank your granddad for donating that nice wood footing stick

‘Cause right now I’m up in here throwin’

I’m in the art room, you can find me on the (kick wheel)

I’m not, I’m not sick of the art room where I’m throwin’ (kick wheel)

Your grandma, your auntie, your mama, your mammie

I’ll impress those ladies when I throw some bowls, I’ll rock that ****

The big pedestal with my art on that ****

I hit the art show and they stop in that ****

They be like “Oh, that blue glaze – that’s hella tight”

I’m like “Yo – that’s cone 5 and it’s a midfire”

Put it back in the kiln, gotta cycle it once again

Twenty hours for a firing—that’s just the important ****

I call that getting thrown then trimmed

I call that getting glazed after bisque

My work’s ready to go

And having unique work that stands out keeps me original

Critique? Come take a look at my artwork, though

Trying to make art without effort? Man you hella won’t

Man you hella won’t

Clay work … Ceramics!

[Bridge x2]
I made a portfolio

My work’s incredible

I threw this big *** bowl

In that art room down the road

I’m gonna throw some pots

Only got twenty pounds of buff stoneware

I – I – I’m throwing, making some ceramics

This is ****** awesome

________________________________________

P.S.–The line about George Ohr and his moustache? He’s a famous ceramic artist who looks like this: